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[Jul. 6th, 2009|01:28 am] |
candice needs to get out more often.
and i don't mean going out to the bar, or chatting up random strangers. but to see the world. new places new experiences. yes, as you might have guessed (or not), candice is in one of her introspective moods again.
i miss looking at the world in a different light, perhaps with a perceived deeper understanding of the world. it made me feel special. it made me believe that we were all unique beings, everyone with a slightly different point of view. i've always believed that no matter how much everything was a social construct, how much we all come to a consensus of what certain things meant to everyone, that despite all that, we all saw the world in a different way; and that putting together all these billion perspectives might give us a complete view of the world. (i love grand plans, can you tell?)
i am now put (by circumstances that i have, unfortunately, chosen) into a cubical that i go to everyday, that requires that i do exactly the opposite that would also slowly destroy that belief that i had just describe; to put people into categories, and to predict and create patterns of mass consumption. not to mention that it only reinforces our believes of something and not adding value to your pulsating brain.i can't say that i did not enjoy the very irony of this when i had first begun on this route. but as it does happen to most people, you become what you do, when you start to loose yourself in the vortext of details of daily circumstances.
i have always admired people who would travel alone. to be comfortable enough in their own skin, to be able to take in new environment and appreciate what it can offer to their own beings. i, for one, couldn't bear my own company for more than a day. perhaps i am just too aware of my self, it's distracting. that said, i am a very people person. interaction with other people, good or bad, happens to be a fundamental requirement of how i lead everyday. and just in case you were wondering, i do not consider that an issue.
i have no major concerns in my life at the moment. i don't feel like my life is tragic anymore. while i do not need tragedy to make me feel i'm different from everyone else - since my pain is always more real than yours -; and now that i feel older and the lives of people around me (mostly work people who i see more often than my bestfriends) seem to have let their lives plateau out... to this, i would like to say to say that i do not want to be mediocre. i need to get out.
taaaaanks...
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